Frontiers of Adulting: Kindness is a Muscle

Sometimes making a relationship last is as simple as being nice

Being Honest About Your Emotions Shows Incredible Strength

…because most of us were taught the complete opposite at some point…also, allowing yourself to be vulnerable is basically the emotional equivalent to walking through a tunnel of fire naked…and that takes a lot of guts.

You Are You. Other People Are Other People.

Nobody is a mindreader. Do you really want the trash to be taken out and you’re fed up with always being the one to do it? Instead of staring at the trash can and huffing or trying to will your other half to get up and take it out, why not ask? They probably had no idea it was full.

Appreciate the Intention

This one is MASSIVE. You need to think about what a person was planning for you, no matter what the outcome. You can’t get mad at someone for being stuck in loads of traffic and being late after they made a dinner reservation so you could have date night.

Don’t Do Things with Expectations

…because you‘re in for a world of disappointment. Love is not about a running tally. You shouldn’t be doing things so that you can get that same thing in return. (For instance, the hubs is a great foot rubber and I’m a great card writer. I am not a foot rubbing kind of person and the husband only wrote me one card once because I asked if he would…mostly because he doesn’t have faith in his own writing skills which is ridiculous, but I respect that.)

Say “Thank You” A Lot

Positive reinforcement is important for all of us. It’s just how we’re built. If I know I’m bringing the husband joy, I will make that action a habit. (Random dancing is one of those things that’s become something that happens several times a week just because I really love seeing him laugh.) He may not have actually said “thank you,” but him being present with me and reacting the way he does is thanks enough.

Apologizing Doesn’t Mean You’re Wrong

Admit it. You hate being wrong. I don’t know anyone who likes it…which is why I feel like a lot of people don’t apologize during disagreements or discussions.

Finally, Kindess is a Muscle

The more you exercise it, the stronger it will become and the more you’ll use it. There’s often an uptick in trust, honesty, and affection that comes with just being kind. I know it might seem unnatural at first, but once you and yours realize that the other person is being kind to be kind and it isn’t some sort of trap (because who isn’t suspicious of sudden kindness), you’ll be on the road to growing closer, communicating better, and being happier overall.

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Nami Matsuo

She/Her. INFJ. Japanese American Womxn. Mother. Daughter. Sister. Ally. Avid Complainer & Optimist.